Please note that these days do not run consecutively.
Morning is often a time when people absorb news, they may read the paper or if they are not quite that antiquated they watch the news, listen to the news on the radio, check the news online or get their ‘news’ from social media.
From the moment I wake up I have to fight finding out the horrors of the day. I might check my phone but I have to carefully monitor, check and edit all of my settings on social media, apps and the internet to avoid accidently seeing or reading something that will send me sprawling into a sort of despair. I have to bury my head in the sand because otherwise I can’t function properly. Twice in the last week I have let my curiosity get the better of me. I caught a headline as a walked past the newspapers on the way to taking my daughter to pre-school. On the way back I stopped to read it. It was horrific and sad. I won’t go into details but the paper did. I cried for hour. I cried for the injustice, sadness and horror of what the paper was reporting of the terror which must have been somebody’s last moments. Of their gentle death stolen from them and their loved ones, but I also cried that so many people had read that story and been unaffected other than an ‘that’s so awful’ or some other meaningless platitude. That ‘news’ is a sick sort of entertainment for so many dims my soul and rips at my heart.
Then I take my dog for a walk. Along a beautiful woodland walk I try to cleanse myself and find some peace among the trees, the birds and the…’oh shit’ I say to myself (and my dog). I hear chainsaws, I hear ripping, to quote my friend Treebeard in Lord of the Rings they are up to ‘orc mischief’ leaving ‘wastes of stump and bramble where once there were singing groves’ (LOTR , The Two Towers, JRR Tolkein ). I cry again. For the trees themselves and for all the little lives they shelter and feed in their branches, leaves, trunks and roots.
I see an elderly lady on my way back home, I say hello and we chat briefly, I rant about the trees being cut down. She understand and dislikes it too. She is of the forest she tells me. We talk for a few minutes but she must rush she tells me. I apologise for keeping her with my waffling and ranting but she says it was lovely to talk to someone ‘I live alone you see’ she says.
I cry when she leaves. I wish I had asked for her name, given her my phone number so I can see her another time but I didn’t think of it quickly enough. I cry that she is lonely, I cry that she has no one to talk to. I cry for all those who would benefit from her knowledge and are missing it and I cry for what will become of her. She’s in her later years. Will she pass from this world alone, without passing on her wisdom, with out love and kind words at the last.
I cry and cry.
I get home from my walk and the neighbours dog is whining and howling, locked in at home, he is looked after enough that there is no one to complain to but still it makes me sad. He is never walked ‘off lead’ he is shouted at and left alone a lot but as I say his care is deemed sufficient or adequate and that just makes me sadder and reminds me of how badly so many other animals are treated that his sad whines are just a drop in the ocean. I cry again into my dogs ruff. He understands me and always comes why I cry. He probably just likes my salty tears but I tell myself he understands me.
I pick my daughter up from pre-school and fight every urge in my body and soul to refrain from telling some of the other parents to love their children better. That in their last moments on this plain they won’t be wishing they’d listened less, that they’d spent more time on their phones rather than looking at and listening to their beautiful innocent offspring. I fight the tears this time and instead focus all my love on my little girl.
We head out for an outing somewhere, driving along I see death, poor little souls, animals that have been hit by cars and just left there. I think about their lives, are there baby rabbits, foxes, deer, badgers at home waiting to be fed? Why do we as humans, who place so much importance on interring or cremating our dead, just leave these others beings at the sides of roads.
Later on after we have played and laughed and walked in the sunshine or the rain I might cry a little and she looks into my face and tells me it’s ok and hugs me tight. I am so proud of her and proud of myself that I am teaching her to feel, that being sensitive is ok, that caring is ok.
After I have put my girl to bed I check my emails. I like to sign petitions a lot, I feel that while busy raising my child this is sometimes as much as I can do activist-wise. Unfortunately, this exposes me to information and in particular images that I would rather not see and cannot un-see. there is no way I can scrub or cleanse them from my mind. They haunt me. So I drink and watch TV, gentle comedies I have seen before so I know won’t hold any surprises. I try not to dwell on anything horrible. I read in bed, again I read things I have read before so I know I will not subject myself to new horrors. I read until I cannot keep my eyes open to keep out the bad thoughts.
Last night I meditated before I went to sleep. I imagined I was spreading roots deep into the soil, tiny tendrils and big thick, strong tubers. In a meditation learned from Betty Shine (in Mind Magic). After the grounding meditation I do the opposite; I shoot up, up into the sky past trees, through the clouds, into the atmosphere and beyond to the stars (another of Betty’s).
I drink water through the night, even though I am not dehydrated because I didn’t drink any alcohol last night.
I wake up and before anything else I look out of my window and I stretch and I breathe. I put on my pentagram necklace and my hagstone (or holey stone) necklace, I murmur gently to them thanking them and the elements they represent to me for protecting me and guiding me.
I don’t even remember to take my phone downstairs let alone look at it. Instead I play and laugh with my daughter.
I drink a herbal tea, or a coffee substitute and I try to get my daughter to do yoga with me. We lie together and breathe and then she dances and makes up her own yoga moves while I do a sun salutation.
We eat fruit together, cuddle and watch some childrens tv before we get ready for our day with the routine of eating, washing, dressing etc. I make sure that as part of my getting ready I do an outside task, I feed the birds or even take the rubbish or recycling out. If it’s warm enough I do this barefoot if it’s chilly I wear flip flops so the grass can still brush my feet. I breathe the fresh morning air, I listen to the birds and I am grateful for it all.
Before we go out the door I take a couple of moments to perform another piece of Betty’s magic. I visualise an egg, my egg is a golden egg and only positivity can penetrate its golden shell, I step into it and I close it behind me.
My daughter and I sing on the way to her pre-school. My mum always told me that a scale will set your vibrations higher, that music is food for the soul and she always recommended the ‘Do Re Me’ song from The Sound of Music (bizarrely I’ve never even seen the film but I know the song) so that is what we sing.
When it’s time to take my dog for his walk, I breathe, I relax but I march, with my head up, my eyes looking around. I watch birds, I stop to watch a bee or beetle or a Red Kite enjoying a thermal up above. I race my dog, he always wins because he’s a whippety dog.
When I get back from walking my dog I do some home cleansing, I burn incense or oils, I cleanse my home with vinegar and essential oils. I space clear and make my space sacred by singing, clapping or using incense. If I have time I meditate, do yoga or other exercise or I try some divination, Ogham or dowsing. I might cut some herbs or flowers for drying or remove some which have dried and put them in jars. I try, in other words to fit in some ‘witch work’ of some sort. Sometimes I try to squeeze in a social call either in person or on the phone to a sister or friend.
Then before I know it. It’s pre-school pick up time. I enjoy my time with my girl with nothing hanging over me. She does not have to feel somehow responsible for cheering me up. I feel better for being a better version of me.
This impacts on the energy I have, which impacts on the effort I put into cooking, which impacts on the energy I have! We eat a healthy dinner and my girl goes to bed emotionally, spiritually and physically fulfilled.
It is after days like these that I can write, do my ‘witch work’ or focus on reading things that are new to me and require more thought. It is also on days like these I feel more able to meditate which gives me a better nights sleep, which gives me a better start the next day.